Stop Transmuting Bad Feelings into Good Ones!

Just because an idea is labeled as New Age or Spiritual doesn't mean it's sensible. Even though a lot of these messages have good roots, the actual meaning of the ancient tradition has been lost in translation. One practice that I've noticed which can be harmful is that many people have been told to "transmute" their negative feelings into positive feelings by changing their focus or by meditating. This pretty much amounts to suppressing your feelings.

Here is the actual definition of transmutation: to completely change something from one form, substance, or nature into another, often implying an elevation to a higher or better state. It is frequently used in physical, spiritual, and artistic contexts to describe a profound metamorphosis.

Transmutation doesn't mean to ignore the presence of something (like a feeling) by directing your attention elsewhere. Also, doing this doesn't create a higher or better state.

For example, imagine a co-worker is consistently late to relieve you for your shift. It makes you angry, but you are trying to practice maintaining your inner peace so you turn your focus to doing your job to the best of your abilities. When you get home from work, everyone has already eaten dinner and you miss out on time with your children because they have to go to sleep soon. The act of re-directing your feelings did not create a better state.

Feelings can alert us to the fact that something is not right. But it is up to us to use our logic to discern what we should do about our feelings. In some cases, we might find ourselves having a feeling that doesn't seem warranted. For instance, feeling jealous after seeing your partner speaking with a beautiful person at a party. We know that it's silly and we shouldn't act on this feeling, but we shouldn't completely ignore it either.

If you were to try to play it off like it didn't bother you, your partner would notice the tension and feel like you were upset with them anyways but not know why. This would only create the very distance between the two of you which you had feared in the first place.

It's all in how you approach dealing with your feelings that makes the difference. With the co-worker, you can be assertive without being aggressive. There's a difference between shouting at them, "Why in the hell are you always so late?!" versus approaching them with concern and curiosity, ie: "Hey Joe, is everything okay? I've been noticing you haven't been able to make it in on time lately."

With our intimate relationships, we can share how we feel without making them feel like it's their responsibility to fix our feelings. Making other people responsible for your feelings is a form of co-dependency.

If you were to say to your partner, "I know it's silly, but when I saw you talking to that beautiful woman, I felt a bit jealous." it's a lot different than saying, "You made me feel jealous when you were talking to that woman over there."

They might respond by saying, "No way, I felt the same way when I saw you talking to our neighbor last week!" Or, they might say, "Come on, that actually is silly." And you have to be okay with either response.

Unless someone is purposefully being abusive, they cannot make us feel anything. People can do things that trigger us to have a feeling, but if that happens just because they are existing as an individual in the world, they shouldn't be pinned to the wall over it.

But keeping your feelings inside would have eventually built up and created resentment in either situation. So it's a good idea to practice airing your feelings out respectfully and not expecting the other person to fix your feelings.

The more you pay attention to your feelings, you may actually notice a pattern. For example, you may notice that you tend to get very flustered when people rush you. After reflecting, you might remember that you were hit as a child when you didn't get ready for school fast enough. Now if this happens again in the future, you can step outside of yourself and remember that you are safe now as an adult, and no one is going to hurt you.

This is similar to the way that alchemists and occultists handle intense feelings. They become an aware observer by stepping outside of themselves, because they know that our bodies hold memories that are not always conscious to ourselves.

"Consider the following case. Someone is traveling by railway; his mind is busy with one thought; suddenly his thought diverges; he recollects an experience that befell him years ago, and interweaves it with his present thought. He did not notice in looking through the window, he had caught sight of a person who resembled another intimately connected with the recollected experience. He remains conscious, not of what he saw, but of the effect it produced, and so believes it all came to him 'of his own accord'."

This is from a book called, "Knowledge of Higher Worlds" by Rudolph Steiner, a theologian and clairvoyant.

He goes on to say, "The student must devote special care to the thought-life. They single out a particular thought, and endeavor to link onto it only thoughts that are consciously and voluntarily produced...in this way, the unconscious elements that intrude into his soul will become fewer and fewer."

Over time, initiates work to stop negative feelings from taking hold in the first place by becoming aware of their thoughts. They do this by perceiving themselves as if they are standing outside of their body. They judge their automatic thoughts and decide which are acceptable to them. They are taught to think of their body as a vehicle for the evolution of their consciousness and eventually perceive their spirit as separate from their body. For example, if they walk through a doorway, they will think, 'he/she is walking through the doorway now'.

Changing thought patterns is a healthy way to rid oneself of negative emotions. Thoughts create emotions. Each thought creates an emotion that lasts for approximately 90 seconds! By playing certain thoughts over and over again, we can keep ourselves locked into a state of sadness, anger, or disappointment.

Here's another example illustrating the power of automatic, unconscious thoughts on our emotions:

"Imagine the following situation: At a crowded football game a woman shrieks loudly, stands up, slaps the face of the man next to her and rushes out of the stadium. Several people are watching. Each reacts differently. One man is frightened; a teenage boy is angry; a middle-aged man is depressed; a therapist is curious; a clergyman is embarrassed. The same event triggered very different emotions in each of the observers.

The reason lies in the automatic thoughts of each observer. The frightened man was slapped repeatedly by his shrieking mother as a child. He heard his mother's voice yelling, 'What do you use for brains?'

The angry teenage boy thought, 'Women can get away with hitting men, just like my sister can hit me without getting punished. It's not fair.'

The recently divorced middle-aged man thought, 'Doesn't anyone get along anymore? It's really sad.'

The therapist thought, 'I wonder what he said to trigger that reaction?'

And the clergyman thought, 'Wasn't that one of my parishioners? How embarrassing!'"

This is an excerpt from "Healing the Shame that Binds You" by Dr. John Bradshaw. He says, "It is crucial for you to learn to pay attention to your internal dialogue, your own inner voices. The most destructive aspect of your inner voice has been referred to as your automatic thoughts."

As you can see, the more aware we become of our feelings, the more we can become aware of our negative thought patterns. Feelings aren't meant to be ignored. They are meant to teach us something about ourselves or our environment.

The only real transmutation of feelings is when we feel so strongly about something that it calls us to action, like a noble cause, or creating something beautiful and inspirational in the world. For instance, an artist that experiences a terrible heartbreak decides to write a song about their experience so that no one will ever feel alone in this feeling ever again. Another example would be a rape victim that is so angry with sexual predators that she takes self-defense classes and then teaches it to all the women in her community. Or, perhaps a group of students are so stricken by the death of their teacher, whom died of cancer, that they come together to start a fundraiser for cancer research.

We must examine and analyze our feelings to determine if the cause of our feelings is warranted, and think about the best course of action to honor them. Anger and grief are usually valid feelings, and we can acknowledge them and work through them in ways that are not self-destructive.

It's okay to let yourself feel and it doesn't make you a damaged or defective person. We aren't robots! To exist is to feel, and existence is a privilege and a gift.